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10 SIMPLE WAYS TO COPE WITH A DIFFICULT MOTHER–IN-LAW
Ordinarily, a mother like every pleasant person is meant to be happy about a new relationship built around the family of her son or daughter. They sometimes express this by giving support to the family when a new baby arrives. However, some mother-in-laws could be any thing but nice. These mother-in-laws impact repeated emotional and physical pains on their daughter or son-in-laws. For instance they pay too regular and unsolicited visits which interrupt the family plan. Sometimes they make uncomplimentary remarks about every action of their daughter- or son-in-law. The best option therefore is for couples faced with this situation to protect not only their marriages but their future. The following steps are desirable in achieving a remarkable solution:
1. Recognise the underground cause and express yourself:
Considering the close relationship they may have with their son, most mother-in-laws find it difficult to take the second position behind another woman in their son’s life. Their daughter-in-law is therefore not only seen as a major threat but a wicked manipulator seeking to control their son’s life. In some other instances some mothers still perceive their sons or daughters as their children rather than someone’s husband or wife, such mothers can sometimes unduly interfere in the immediate family affairs of their children without seeing anything wrong with it. A more beneficial approach to resolving this issue is for the affected spouse not to openly criticize the mother-in-law. You should however inform your spouse of the hurtful feeling resulting from the mothers’ utterances or actions and how you would be grateful if he or she protects you from such future re-occurrence.
2. Solicit the support of your spouse:
An overbearing mother-in-law often requires the team effort of the spouses as well as the timely responses to issues as they arise. Once again, there is no need to openly criticize your mother-in-law, rather you should be calm and give specific suggestions as to the way to resolving the problem .Couples so involved a rule should recognize the need to jointly protect their marriage from their birth family. In essence your childhood family should come next only after your spouse. As a couple you need to constantly communicate to your parents or mother-in-laws that decisions on your family are taken jointly to erase the belief that “my daughter or son-in-law would unduly manipulate my son or daughter from loving me”.
3. Encourage your spouse to take charge:
For a spouse not willing to take firm stands on issues concerning his childhood family, to critically resolve the pressures from an overbearing mother-in-law may be slightly difficult. The peculiarity of the situation requires that stringent and decisive steps be taken to correct the abnormal situation. As the affected partner you need to tactfully discuss your mother-in-law’s unhealthy behaviour with your spouse (not confrontational to avoid him or her being defensive) at the appropriate time. You should also let your spouse know your limitation in bringing about a change in the mother’s attitude. You need to openly explain (without threats) the possible consequence of regular occurrence of the disrespect and dehumanizing actions on the love existing in your marriage. You must therefore harness every available resource(s) in mutually resolving the issue with your mother-in-law by empowering your husband or wife as a major front. Your observation on the issue should be communicated to your spouse to enable his or her timely intervention on the matter.
4. Keep your distance:
As much as you need not go underground to stay away from your overbearing mother-in-law, showing up at every of her occasion or invitation may also not be a good option. You therefore need to create a balance by not completely boycotting visits to her. Allowing only your spouse to visit, would in a way be a victory for your mother-in-law who would normally prefer such situations.
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